Those Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Us as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up between men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."